most things considered, you were a terrible day

seems like everything causes me to burn with rage or just feel hopelessly overwhelmed.
i have been convinced, if not paranoid, that world is against me for as long as i've been out on my own. today did nothing but breed the growing fear that someone is going to come into school/work and kill us all. I want so badly to just forget it all, all, all (!!!) and stay in bed, happily for a long, long time. no more worries! damnit! i just really am too devistated to try and get up (or censor myself, apparently).

p.s. - how about death cab for cutie did a cover of bjork's all is full of love. reminder: i could get that cd at the Death & Disemberment show 'tonight' but oops, i have negative $68.18 in my name. i' m going unleash the full potential of my stir-crazy-self upon those at the bank that find it fun to destroy laughter.

i guess it would be silly to try and go through what made this weekend so great because i'd probably just interrupt myself with terrible news of some kind. either way the whole thing would be cast in such a dark shade of grey it wouldn't shine through.

so let's release some of this pent up hostility. there's my car which i have to get inspected this weekend... costing money. insurance bill, a week late. steve: you starve yourself while i order out, go to florida, go to work only when i feel like it, never do dishes, never clean up without annoucing it a week in advance, and never clean the litter box. Hmm, i suppose i shouldn't use never, but i feel better when i do. that's what counts these days. saddness.

i was happy today. promise. So happy. but work has really been troublesome. people quiting without notice, has just left me useless when it comes to thinking about others or being happy. plus i still just feel like there's no place called home.

the one positive point of this blog --
julia quoted me in her blog recently. just read it 'tonight' and it really just made me feel good. didn't really erase all the day's mistakes, but simply made things nicer. thanks so much.

p.s. ii - where did you go?

this will be the last time, this will be the last time, this will be the last time...