ease your feet in the sea

so the first day of work was actually really nice. i forgot how good it is to have a job where i can just get lost inside my head. still have to watch out for all the negativity, which makes it tough to be around people. i don't want to be anti-social but i don't want to hang out with a bunch of morons secretly cursing each other.

anyway, it wasn't a bad time but the hours are pretty rotten if i want to be social at all. money is stressing me out, but i think i'll worry about that tomorrow if i can. not like i'm just putting it off. there are a few other things i'd like to take of first. decisions, decisions.

i don't want to play football, i don't understand the rules of the game

made

some what edited the links section. my brother it's really using his blog stuff, so i got rid of those and added julia's portfolio. also finally got a comments section up too. back when i put my e-mail address up someone wrote and suggested it. i put their blog in the links section as well. enjoy. i'm going to clean for a bit. or maybe eat.

There's a look in the faces tonight that's untrustable as the hope that you'll never return in a while. But you're always on time, so...

adore

okay, i'm back. in PA. at home. and it is a mess@! but i don't care. for the moment i'm quite content. sitting on a pile of laundry, the keyboard in my lap, listening to Radiohead's Kid A from the second track on. simply wonderful. i'll be thinking of bills another day. well, i'll probably have to think about them later today, but not now.

it's really nice and quiet here on sunday mornings. it's beautiful. i want to take back everything bad i said about this place. true, i haven't exactly been saying a lot more than i need to get out of here, but i think i resent it for having any sort of hold on me at all. Really, i think i really need to keep moving. i'm not sure where i trully want to be, but i don't think this is it. which leaves me with a good many options. which i don't feel like thinking about now.

well, my appartment needs cleaning, badly. if i don't start now, i never will (get finished).

the only way we can look at life clearly is backwards. too bad we have to live it forwards

escape (afraid of no one)

sadly a trip to the city was exactly what i didn't need. or something. i'm really second-guessing myself, but my previous post was right before the world dropped out from underneath me. i hope that's not giving it too much credit, but i already weakened physically and mentally, everything seemed so much bigger. now everything seems so dream-like. i can't quite figure it out, and i'm almost unmotivated to do so. i can't find the right distance to be. the right amount of debrief time. opposed to over thinking. opposed to not thinking at all. just distracting myself long enough until i can get it all repressed.

"Oh! Everything looks bad when you remember it!"

stability

still been too airy (without weight) to really feel anything except the immediate and now. day by day. things disapear. but not me. it looks like i'll have to ask for my old job back, at least for a little while. i'm actually looking forward to it. stability is necessary. hopefully a trip to the city will be exactly what i need.

"I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen."

quiet is the new loud

quickly: dropped my remaining class. money woes. having issues with time and time management. issues with self and self-identity. not reading. thinking. thinking. thinking. thinking about moving to pittsburgh (actually in the city. instead of just "near by". like now.). say anything... was surprisingly refreshing. going home (richmond) on or around the 18th. not feeling e-mailish. hence this post. sorry.

life is beautiful... ?

happiness

okay, sorry. it's been awhile. but i'm good. for now. i just got a couple wonderful e-mails and i'm starting to see the flow things. i'm starting to dance with the wind. i'm also recommending you see road to perdition. it's really beautiful.